![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
I'm depressed with this journal because it reflects - well - the shittiest year of my life. It's not over by a long shot - we have to wait for my birthday, right? - but I think that this would be a good thing. Maybe.
Plus, new friends can read it.
If you know anyone (THAT I KNOW AND AM FRIENDS WITH - CHECK WITH ME FIRST) who would want to read the new one... tell them. If you don't, whatever. I don't expect many people to want to.
See ya!
- Mood:
excited - Music:Mean Girls in the background
2. I've come to realize that I talk With a low pitch mostly, but my voice becomes higher when I'm more enegetic. Not necissarily louder, just HIGHER.
3. I've come to realize that I love Most things
4. I've come to realize that I have A strange affinity for paint, hair dye... anything colourful, really.
5. I've come to realize that I lost My 'innocence' the day I was born
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when People think they know me, or try and hold me back in any way, shape or form.
7. I've come to realize that marriage Probably not in my future, no matter how much I wish it were.
8. I've come to realize that somewhere, someone is thinking Fucking that one lady in the corner.
9. I've come to realize that I'll always be Perhaps *too* open-minded
10. I've come to realize that I have a crush on The answer to that was disovered last night. And it is quite complicated, and out of all of you... only Kels will probably ever know.
11. I've come to realize that the last time I truly cried was The night before last.
12. I've come to realize that my cell phone is Non-existant. But it will eventually become AN EXTENSION OF MY SOUL...!
13. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning I always wake ten minutes before the alarm actually goes off, no matter when it's set for.
14. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I have to blow out my candles, or the house wil burn down.
15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about The events of last night, and wondering if they will stand the test of time...
16. I've come to realize that babies are Great for breakfast. But (Really) very sweet. And I want one.
17. I've come to realize that, I get on myspace So seldom that it isn't worth the space taken up on the internet
18. I've come to realize that today is The first of many days in which I'll know the truth.
19. I've come to realize that tonight I will Sleep and awake stiff and sore because of my half ass, hand-me-down mattress.
20. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will Have to go to school and find out, won't I?
21. I've come to realize that I really want to Teach English...
22. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is No one.
*****
A
• Are you available?: Most complicated question EVER.
• What is your age?: 15
• What annoys you?: Colin and Adam, mostly. :P
B
• Do you know anyone named Billy?: Talent! Hahaha.
• When is your birthday?: 20, March
• Who is your best friend?: I've several. Jera, Britt, Kels, George, Colin, Adam, Adam, Lar... the list goes on.
C
• What's your favorite candy?: Nerds
• Crush?: See "Available".
• When was the last time you cried?: A day ago.
D
• Do you daydream?: All the time
• What's your favorite kind of dog?: Schnoodle; doxin.
• What day of the week is it?: Monday
E
• How do you like your eggs?: Any way you can cook them. But I really LOVE softboiled.
• Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Yes
• Ever pet an elephant?: No, but I love them. And am giving Colin one for his birthday. Period.
F
• Do you use fly swatters?: No
• Have you ever used a foghorn?: No.
• Is there a fan in your room?: AC
G
• Do you chew gum?: Yes
• Do you like gummy candies?: Yes.
• Do you like gory movies?: Yep
H
• How are you?: Tired
• What's your height?: 5"3' and PROUD. Disney Princesses are short too ;)
• What color is your hair?: Muddy dark brown...
I
• What's your favorite ice cream?: Rocky road. Or vanilla.
• Have you ever ice skated?: Yes, and i really wish I could more often. And take figure skating lessons.
• Ever been in an igloo?: I've MADE an igloo. And it fell in on me,too!
J
• What's your favorite Jelly Bean?: Gourmet Jelly Bellies. Hours of entertainment!
• Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke?: Oh yes.
• Do you wear jewelry?: Sometimes
K
• Who do you want to kill?: Hmm.
• Have you ever flown a kite?: No :( But I will soon
• Do you think kangaroos are cute?: YES!
L
• Are you laidback?: Lmfao
• Lions or Tigers?: Both
• Do you like black licorice?: Not exactly.
M
• Favorite movie as a kid?: Too many to list!
• Ever shopped at Moosejaw?: No
• Favorite store at the mall?: Book stores, and random stores with all sorts of trinkets in them
N
• Do you have a nickname?: Many
• Whats your favorite number?: 7
• Do you prefer night or day?: Both
O
• What's your one wish?: To know how this whole confusing mess will resolve itself, even if it's just a subtle hint
• Are you an only child?: Sort of
• Do you like the color orange?: Yes!
P
• What are you most paranoid about?: Losing the ones I love; my looks
• Piercings?: Yes
• Do you know anyone named Penelope?: Yes
Q
• Are you quick to judge people?: I don't judge. At all. I can slip up, but I can honestly say that I'm very non-judgemental
• Do you like Quaker Oats?: Sure.
• Know anyone that makes quilts?: Yes
R
• Do you think you're always right?: Quite the opposite, really
• Do you watch reality TV?: No
• Reason to cry?: My looks. Nuff said.
S
• Do you prefer sun or rain?: Both
• Do you like snow?: Lucky, lucky snow...
• Whats your favorite season?: All of them equally
T
• time is it?: 10:47 pm
• What time did you wake up?: 8:00 am
U
• Can you ride a unicycle?: No.
• Do you know anyone with a unibrow?: My cousin once drew one on his head...
• uncles do you have?: Many
V
• What’s the worst vegetable?: Cauliflower.
• Did you ever watch Veggie Tales?: YES!!!
• Ever considered being vegan?: Yes
W
• What's your worst habit?: I have many
• Do u like water rides?: Adore them
• Ever been inside a windmill?: In my dreams! ... Literally.
X
• Have you ever had an x-ray?: Many.
• Ever used a Xerox machine?: No
Y
• Do you like the color yellow?: Yes
• What year were you born in?: 1992
• Do you yell when you're angry?: I basically become a banshee
Z
• Do you believe in the zodiac?: Depends on how ironic the reading is compared to my real life, but not generally
• What's your zodiac sign?: Pisces
• When was the last time you went to the zoo?: Never
- Mood:
geeky - Music:Someday - Laurie Beechman; Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls; Man's Road - America
[21:45] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Mmm. Is my facebook pic weird?
[21:45] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: unno
[21:45] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Go check lol
[21:45] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.:
[21:46] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: nah
[21:46] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: lol
[21:46] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: is it ok?
[21:46] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: yeh
[21:47] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Good
[21:47] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.:
[21:47] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: lol
[21:51] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtXNNAs9
[21:51] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: IT'S THE PERFECT AMV XDD
[21:51] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: LMFAO
[21:52] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I am seriously pissing myself here
[21:52] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD why
[21:52] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: People actually UPLOADED this XD
[21:52] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:52] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XDD So who's your favourite Disney Princess Rheal? XDDD
[21:52] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: Belle.
[21:52] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:53] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XD Why?
[21:53] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: at disney land
[21:53] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: a few years ago
[21:53] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: she was the greeter
[21:53] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: and she was loaded xD
[21:53] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD LMFAO
[21:53] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I love you XDDDDDD
[21:53] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: and then I went to the bathroom, but went in the wrong door, and I saw her changing
[21:54] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XDDD
[21:54] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I thought of something
[21:54] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD yeah
[21:54] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: You know you're a father when you stop getting off to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton... and start getting off to Disney Princesses.
[21:54] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: That sounds so bad.
[21:54] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:55] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: I never got off to them though
[21:55] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XD THen some other sex symbol
[21:55] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Michael Jackson
[21:55] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XDD
[21:55] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: I dont get off to him at all XD
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XDD Or do you?
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: No thats you
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Omg guess what
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: My dog is gay
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And no I don;t
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: IM GETTING A HEDGEHOG
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: and OMFG RLY XD
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I get off to Hot Asian Guy
Yes XDDDDDDDDDD
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: He was humping Jera's leg
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And my cousin's
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And my grandfather's
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: your admitting to touching yourself xD
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: XDDDD
[21:56] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: No
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: and owd
[21:56] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: ownd*
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Shut up
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.:
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: But my dog humped Jera
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Lol
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: It was so awesome
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: Hedgehog
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.:
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: He was like "AMA!!" And was all laughey
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: OMFG HEDGEHOG
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: OMG
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xDD
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: OMG
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: I KNOW EH
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I LOVE HEDGEHOGS
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: for 50 bucks
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: NAME IT FUCKING MICHAEL
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: i get it
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: and like
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: MNAME IT MICHAEL
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: a ton of other shit
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: NAME IT MICHAEL
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD and they're like 200
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: why
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: NAME IT MICHAEL
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I DON'T KNOW
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: lolno
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: its a chick
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: BUT ISN'T "MICHAEL" SUCH A HEDGEHOG NAME?
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: OMFG
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: named burke.
[21:57] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: NO
[21:57] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: FUCK BURKE
[21:58] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: NAME IT MICHAEL
[21:58] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: DESPITE THE GENDER
[21:58] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: LMFAO
[21:58] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL
[21:58] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Wow, I am so hyer
[21:58] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: MICHAEL
[21:58] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: no xD
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Zomg
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: you suck
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I'm getting a hedgehog
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And naming it Michael
[21:59] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: and it will rape/pwn/own your Burke
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: JEEZ
[21:59] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: Fine
[21:59] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Leik ttlly
[22:00] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: Itll morph into a mountain bear and eatt micheal
[22:00] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And Michael will have explosives in him
[22:00] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And when Burke eats him
[22:00] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Michael will totally blow up in her
[22:00] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Like BOOM
[22:00] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And then I'll laugh
[22:00] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[22:00] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: And you'll cry
[22:00] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: I actually would.
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I'm acting like a two year old, but I am totally the hottest two year old you've ever met And you can't say "I've sen hotter", because that would be creepy
[22:01] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD but I have! no im kidding, you are.
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: More creepy than the fact that I think "Titular" every time I read "Ttly"...
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Wtf?
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: No, total subject change there
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Me = unhot
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Yes, UNHOT is a word
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: HAHA
[22:01] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: I made it that way
[22:02] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Because two year olds with explosive hedgehogs who get of too Hot Asian Guys Who Are Actually Italian can do that
[22:02] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD no it isnt
[22:02] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: XD
[22:02] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Lol
[22:02] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: no
[22:02] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: Wooow I neeeeeeed to chill......
Your mom
[22:02] »RHEAL« Hollow self indulgence leading the way, In the wake of intent that day.: xD
[22:05] Ama is... {.Nobody's Girl.}: We seriously have so many problems...
- Mood:
crazy - Music:The whirr of caffine in my mind
If I get 5 completely different answers, then I'm a combination of all five.
(This is really just for the amusement of Britt and Lar... possibly Jera, who's watched my debate over who I am out of the Disney Chicks for about 12 years.)
You Are Ariel!
Headstrong and fiesty. You have a mind of your own that's full of romantic dreams about the world around you. Exploring exotic places is your ultimate dream, and although you can be a little naive you'll realize that there is something to be gained from your family's wisdom.
Which Disney Princess Are You?
AHAHA! My old obsession XD I wanted to be her as a kid.
You Are Jasmine!
Independent and adventurous. You don't want much; just to break out of the guilded cage society has put you in and experience life to the fullest. Following orders isn't really one of your strong points, and you would rather live a life of poverty than being forced into something that you hate.
Which Disney Princess Are You?
ZOMG I GET ALADDIN THAT WAY! LMFAO!
You Are Snow White!
Pure and trusting. You are a gentle soul who can get along with just about anyone. Everyone you meet instantly falls in love with you. How can they resist? You have a pure, lovable nature that's irresistable. Just don't trust everyone who comes across your path.
Which Disney Princess Are You?
I hate Snow White. LOL, my self-esteem XDDDDDDDDDD
You Are Pocahantas!
Free-spirited and wise. You have a strong passionate spirit that touches and changes all who know you. The wisdom and common sense that you have is really what guides you through life. Even so, you also have a very playful side that loves adventure and excitement.
Which Disney Princess Are You?
Meh. It was bound to come up sooner or later...
And now... the moment of truth! Who am I really?
Will someone who has already come up be it?
Or will I be a combination of all of these answers?
You Are Jasmine!
Independent and adventurous. You don't want much; just to break out of the guilded cage society has put you in and experience life to the fullest. Following orders isn't really one of your strong points, and you would rather live a life of poverty than being forced into something that you hate.
Which Disney Princess Are You?
DUN DUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still get Aladdin. I pwn.
- Mood: crazy
- Music:Once Upon (Another) Dream - No Secrets
Anyway, on to another topic before the current one depresses me into oblivion.
I've made a few random discoveries lately. Ok, well, more like... three. The first is a bit more interesting than the others.
1) Apparently, I have become extremely independant! Yeah, I know, eh? I laughed too. But then I remembered the other day when I was shouting at my mom for not letting me walk home alone (Wtf was WITH that?). And, according to Jera, I've always been pretty independant. I don't see it, and I know that certain others of you don't (Adam, Colin), but that's apparently how it is. I guess if I actually think about it, I can see where this is coming from though.
2) Ok, this one is actually gonna be pretty weird too. I know what I'm going to do when I leave home for collage/university/for the hell of it. It's pretty messed up. Ask me about it later, you'll laugh. It's just one of those... "Typical Ama" things.
3) I am, supposedly, fat. According to my grandma, I've gained a lot of weight over the summer and am no longer skinny. So now, I have to lose that weight. Why didn't I take Gym?
- Mood:
irritated - Music:Nobody's Girl - Some Random WITCH Amv
I should really just die and get it over with. I'm ugly. My mom even says it, and that's REALLY pathetic. My eyes are small and bland. My nose is fucking huge. My lips are tiny. I don't have cheek bones. My hair is gross. My skin is disgusting. My body itself is skinny in some areas and then fat in others. I'm UGLY. Really, really ugly.
I dreamed of being beautiful, like Nadeshiko or a girl in Disney. Even being like one of the girls at my school would have done for me, just so I could look good and feel confident in myself for that reason. Being pretty, to me, meant finding love eventually. It was like a promise that someday, a boy would find me more beautiful than anyone else for some unknown reason and he would fall in love with me because of what I was like and that would be that. By being attractive, I would have been considered funny instead of weird. My most air-headed moments would be accepted. I wouldn't be afraid to cry in front of people for fear of looking even worse than usual, repulsing them so they wouldn't look at me when I was upset.
Until now, even in my darkest moments, I always held on to my hope and optimism. It will get better. In a few years, I'll grow out of this. Surely, everything will be alright. And that worked for me. Ever since I learned about body image, that worked for me.
But not anymore.
I'm ugly. Very, very ugly. The reason that I'm 'girly' is because, even if it's for a moment, make up makes me look a little better. My skin is different, my eyes different, my lips different. For a few hours, while I don't feel good about myself, I'm presentable. And that's good. But, unfortunately, no one will ever envy my looks like I envy theirs. No one will look at me and think: "Well, she's easy on the eyes." I will ALWAYS walk through our school halls and down the street thinking: God, I look awful. I wish I wasn't so unattractive. Look at her, she's perfect. I wish I was more like her physically. Maybe then someone would like me. I'm really gross, honestly. There's nothing nice about my body. People say there is, but I know they're lying. They just care about me so they want me to feel better.
Guys, you CAN'T make me feel better. Some less than others. Lie to me and I know you're lying. Be honest with me and the truth hurts. And the thing is, no amount of plastic surgery could make me look better. I will ALWAYS be grotesque. So just shut the fucking hell up for once. It's not WORKING. It will NEVER work.
I always admire girls like Nadeshiko, beautiful to the point that even her flaws are fine. Girls like that cartoon of Anastasia, who don't care about looks and are fiery and bold... but only because they know, deep down, that they themselves are physically nice. NONE of you can empathize with me. You may FEEL unattractive at times, but you're not in the least. Every last fucking one of you is good looking. Ugliness is rarer than beauty, and I had to be 'blessed' with a fucking shitty gene pool.
No guy will like me for anything but the fact that I'm kind. KIND. How unoriginal can you guys get? Even Keely's admitted to me that when she met me, she thought: "She's not a model, but she's really nice!". That's the only thing that anyone ever notices is good about me, because that's the only thing there is. And it's just not good enough. I'm not smart, and I'm weird not funny. I'm warm and caring. Fuck that. Who cares? It gets old. I'm boring, too, come to think of it. I have friends like Colin and George who are pretty thick skinned and they think that I should be, too. Butt I can't. Yet another one of my flaws. I can't cook and I can't sew. I can't dance, and my singing (while decent) isn't great. My photography is retarded, and there are huge amounts of people who hate my writing.
According to Colin, I'm wrong about absolutely everything. No one makes me question myself, or makes me feel worse about myself, than that guy. Not because he's good at everything, but of what he says about me. What he decides about me. Sometimes without realizing it. When he's doing something nice, it kills me (And it doesn't take a genius to know why. You all know why.) When he's being a jerk, it also hurts more because it's like I'm not good enough to even be his friend. Because I'm not. What the hell am I good at? Nothing. And he's proved that just by talking to me sometimes. I'm not worth the time or effort. Lately, while I've been so mean to him, he's made a few flimsy efforts toward helping our friendship, but that won't do any good. And now that I've said that, he'll just stop caring completely I bet. He's the last person that I feel like opening up to now, though I'm sure he'll read this eventually and make me feel terrible about it somehow.
I'm tired of everyone saying that looks don't matter, because they do. Look at the people in our school who are 'popular'. Are they beautiful? Yes. I'm sure they have great personalities, too, but their looks ARE a factor. They're more appealing because of their looks. Devon and Denise, for example. Great people, great bodies. I'm fucking tired of people saying that looks don't matter.
I've tried to talk to a lot of you guys about this for years. It hasn't helped, because right after I pass a window or a mirror, or some beautiful girl. I'm ugly. Ugliness means never finding anyone who actually fucking loves me.
I hate the idea of going to a therapist, because that won't work either. It's too polite, too... formal. And then, with friends, it doesn't work either. My mom's out of the question for her own reasons.
Sometimes, I feel like I should just stop talking to you guys. Every last one of you. Just become completely anti-social before killing myself (Yes, it's emo. Yes, certain ones of you are going to mock me about it later or complain about it to your friends. Fuck you.) But then, I think: Is that really right? Should I really do that? Won't I miss them? Won't I watch them laughing in the halls, talking to other girls who could easy replace me and do a better job of being a person, and feel jealousy and sadness? And I would. And it would hurt. But I can't make my need to just go away... go away. You hate me for that. You're angry at me for that. But there it is. I want you guys to all get out of my life, but I know that if you did I would never smile again ever.
Youth Group won't help because this isn't something God could fix. I don't know if I even believe in God anymore. I don't know if I even think we have spirits. We probably just go into that blackness that I dread so much when we die - that fucking eternal dreamless sleep. And I want to go there now. I'm too sad to be scared anymore.
Funny thing is... you're also thinking that this is just another depressing post. You don't think that I'll actually try anything, because to you what I just said is empty and meaningless. It's not real. I'm still terrified of death no matter what. I love life too much to let go of it. I won't do anything because I want to see your smiling faces again.
You don't know that it's taken me two hours to write this because I keep crying. You don't know that for the past few weeks, I've been thinking of just grabbing a pair of scizzors in school and stabbing myself. I have lots of IBProfine in here... I could swallow it all and just die. You don't know that right now, all I want to do is walk out of this house and drown myself in the lake. And I could do it. Maybe I will. It would certainly be better than walking around feeling and looking eternally ugly and worthless.
- Location:Fucking Hell
- Mood:
Suisidol, thanks. - Music:Heaven Forbid, Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
Ten Things To Love
Because we all have at least ten things we care about, right?
10. Chicken... the best meat of all :) How I love it.
9. Stuffed animals. My single obsession (Lies). Truthfully, my BIGGEST obsession... have you seen my room?
8. Nature hikes. I tried to go on one yesterday... but I couldn't even make it to Missisaga street without feeling exhausted.
7. Seasons. I can never, ever choose which one I like most. Ever.
6. Music... my first A was in that class, and it's just so pretty anyway.
5. Runes... especially "Jera"! Lol.
4. My West49 sweater. It's huge and comfy... and wearing it "pisses off" Colin, which is actually really funny XD
3. Cards, even though I can't play any card games except for Go-Fish. And even that I'm rather bad at!
2. Flowers! Flowers are incredible!
1. Nadeshiko Kinomoto. My one reason to watch Anime anymore, lol. I've wanted to be like her since I was seven or eight, but... I'll never be as beautiful as her, inside or out, and I know it.
Ten Things To Hate
And to counter act that above list...
10. Hello Kitty. It's so obnoxious...
9. The fact that I suck basically everything.
8. Big messes. Although, cleaning is fun. You just need the motivation.
7. Gum getting stuck on some part of your body.
6. Mirrors. Nuff said. Though, I like them when I can't see myself in them. They're cool and all, but...
5. When people misjudge you, like saying that you'd hate one band just because you listen to another.
4. Being confused.
5. Not being allowed outside after dark, just because I'm a girl! :@
4. When friends and family are sick or upset. Which is where chicken noodle soup and hugs come in handy :)
3. Letting people down that you care about... the reason I would never pair up with any of my close friends for a project unless it's absolutely necissary XD
2. HOMOPHOBICS/RACISTS/AGEISTS/SEXISTS... all those people.
1. NOT being Nadeshiko Kinomoto XD
Ten Things George Has Said About Me
No one in my life has EVER made more comments on my personality than George
10. "You're too nice."
9. "You're so clumsy."
8. "You can be so completely clueless, you know?"
7. "You're a pretty good singer."
6. "Shut up, you're not ugly."
5. "Book worm."
4. "You LIKE Slipknot?!?!?! And Billy Talent?!?!?!? But you're so... pop!"
3. "-insert hysterical laughter- She called you a prep?!"
2. "Chill out, stop being so hyper. Cheerful, good. Hyper, bad."
1. "You're a terrible cook." (Then, three years later...) "THESE ARE THE BEST COOKIES I'VE EVER TASTED!"
Ten Things About You Guys To Love
I just can't help myself...
10. Generally pissing off Colin... can't help it, it can be really funny XD
9. Staying up late with Jordan, talking on MSN
8. Singing wacky songs with Larissa ("Every time we touch... in Math class.")
7. Poking/throwing things at Devin in Civics
6. The strangest friendship ever: Kelsey and Amanda.
5. Talking on the phone with Britt constantly.
4. Hugging Adam H! :) Best hugger ever. Besides Sam Br.
3. Debating things with Adam M
2. Jeremiah's intelligence. Screw if Colin is technically moreso, Jera's always going to be the smartest guy ever to me.
1. The fact that you guys bother to read this XD
Ten People To Admire
Again, I just can't help it...
10. Disney version of Pocahontas XD
9. Hot Asian Guy (Lmfao)
8. Ginny Weasley
7. Dan Eldon... d'uh...
6. TEIJA!!!! :D Just because I love her so. I think I'm starting to obsess a bit... :S Like poor Sam Br!
5. Emily (Old friend from school, long, long ago. We're starting to get closer again.)
4. Liv Tyler. Some of her quotes are hilarious.
3. Harriet Tubman! I've loved her since I read the kid's book "Minty" when I was six!
2. That one chick Lar and I thought was Hot Asian Guy's girlfriend last year. Danielle something-or-other, I think.
1. NADESHIKO KINOMOTO XDD I've wanted to be her almost as long as I've wanted to be Harriet Tubman. But with more of an obsession...
Ten Things To Do Before I Die
It was so hard to narrow it down
10. Learn how to play multiple instruments (Including ones I gave up on in the past). The ones I want to learn most are: Violin, piano, guitar, digeredoo (It's so funny), harp, trumpet and saxophone (I freakin' own with Clarinet, anyway)
9. Get a nose job (Lol)
8. T-P a house
7. Make a video about all of our friends
6. Make Ben laugh and cry at the same time
5. Get Blair to accept me
4. Have a hallucination of a giant hamburger
3. Actually USE a Calendar for a year.
2. FINISH THAT VIDEO GAME WITH JEREMIAH :)
1. Fall in love with someone who loves me back
Ten Of The Coolest Things I Own
This one took a while
10. The bracelets that Britt and Adam gave me
9. My rubber chicken
8. My popcorn bin
7. "The spray"... lol Rachel
6. Tarot cards
5. My colourful circle rug
4. Green lion
3. MY GIANT DICTIONARY
2. My broken slinky... if you give me a new one, I'll fall in love with you ;)
1. Sparkey
Ten Best Types Of Flowers
Just because.
10. Daffodil - Chivalry.
9. Hyacynth - Sincerity
8. Iris - Inspiration
7. Lilac - First love or beautiful sadness
6. Star of Bethlehem - Hope
5. Sunflower - Power
4. Nadeshiko - Uh... no idea.
3. Wisteria - Unknown?
2. Lily - Innocence
1. Daisy - Innocence
Ten Things I Remember (That You Didn't Know About)
Because everyone has little secrets...
10. Throwing up after running a race in fourth grade.
9. Falling out of bed on the first day of school for the first time in my life.
8. Looking at the moon every night in grade eight through my open window. Generally thinking about... stuff. That I can't mention because THAT would be a bit TOO obsessive XD
7. Having water gun fights with Jessica and her brothers all the time in summer when we were kids
6. Eating tons of food yesterday (Two bowls of rice, four pieces of toast, a whole bag of grapes, a can of hummus, a wheel of cheese, three pita things, and three pancakes... all in the same day!)
5. Finding the perfect presents for Jera and Kels for their birthdays this year
4. Walking in the field at sunset, listening to a godawful song that was brought to justice by that moment.
3. Talking to Stephen while he was scraping paint off our front door.
2. Deciding to name my kid Caleb if he was a boy. I'll do it, I swear :P Oh, and Morika if it's a girl. I've always liked that name, ever since I met Emily's mom when I was five. Or Lily if it's a girl, which is probably more agreeable.
1. The first time I saw Hot Asian Guy XD Oddly, not at school. It was in grade eight and he was going for a run past my house. It was the middle of autumn and I was at the very corner of my block. He was on the other side of the street. Obviously, the obsession started then :P
Coming up next... FIFTY THINGS AMANDA IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO (EVER)!!
- Mood:
sick - Music:Cardcaptors Episode 54 - A Calendar of Memories
These are some of the pictures we found of Global Warming. There's a lot of really funny ones on Google - we spent a whole period looking them up, and these are some of my favourites :)
http://www.markstivers.com/cartoons/Stiv
http://globalwarmingawareness2007myblog.c
http://www.labnol.org/assets/images/WowM
http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/2765/g
Btw: The title is something I actually remember from Friday Night. Sam, Chris, Blair, Ben, Teija and I were talking and we heard a baby crying in another room, and at the same time Ben and I said: "It's Jesus." Yeah. We're pretty hot.
- Mood: sick, sleepy
- Music:CARDFREAKINGCAPTORS :)
A summary of the past few days....
Have you ever started talking to an old friend who you wouldn't think could recognize you again just because you sat together on the bus?
Have you ever found out that a few idiots on Facebook think you're hot and wanted to find out who they were? (Lol Jera)
Have you ever fallen off a swing after going higher than you've ever gone before?
Have you ever read the above sentance and thought "Going where no man has gone before"?
Have you ever run after someone to hug them, lept at them, gone flying through the air, landed on your face, stood up, looked proudly at the people staring and said: "Hi, how're you doing?"
Have you ever been completely ignored by one of your good friends when you're actually around eachother (Unless YOU talk to THEM, and even then their replies are short), but they'll still wave to you from afar?
Have you ever fallen asleep in Science class?
Have you ever decided that you'd take a baby to an Island if you could only choose 6 people to go with, just so if all else fails you could eat it?
Have you ever decided that with a friend who was really quiet, so now you're REALLY wondering what goes on inside her head?
Have you ever walked up to someone that you've always thought was hot (And had never spoken to) looked them in the eyes, almost said something and walked away blushing like mad?
Have you ever missed someone who had moved away so intensely that you thought about them for three school periods, though you only knew them for a few days?
Have you ever decided to finish this later?
- Mood: sick
- Music:Three Days Grace songs!
Find Your Element
Wind
You can mix with anyone and feel happy. You are very popular, and have a cheery attitude towards anything. The only time you get mad is when a fire person heaps insults on you continuously. You have that special talent to make everyone feel special.
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Uh, not so popular.
Discover your Elemental Personality...Done at last!
Earth. You like Forests and growing things...perhaps a green thumb. YOu seem to know just where to put that plant so it will thrive. You are steady and solid, much like Time and Stone, and you function just fine by yourself.Sometimes your unwavering opinions can cause tension among you and your friends...try to lighten up. Some people may find you stuffy, but they simply don't know you--few people do. You favor--drum roll--Earth tones as far as colors go, and your magical traits include growth-plant and otherwise, a great sense of direction, and travel-type spells. Thte creatures that hearken to Earth powers are wyverns, unicorns, and dragons, though dragons go with all elements. Earth people can live anywhere that things can be grown, and teperature rarely affects them.Had some questions you could've put two answers for? You amy hav a secondary element. GO back and take the quiz again, this time with the changed answers, to find out!
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Steady. Solid. Hahaha.
Ten Elements - Which is Yours? v3.0
Your element is Light. Light elementals have many excellent traits: chivalrous, forgiving, and sensitive. However, sometimes they take these traits too far -- for example, their readiness to forgive sometimes makes them unjustly lenient. They are not very compatible with Dark or Metal elementals.
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"S/he should be ready to drop everything in the blink of an eye and go gallivanting off on some sudden adventure." Yep. Even if the adventure is something silly! :)
The Element Test
EARTH! You are a basic loner. You like your solitude and the peace and quiet of your room. The few friends you have (if any) can either be extremely distant, or your closest friend in the world. You often like to stay away from others, though
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LOL! Loner.
What element are you Goddess of? (girls)
Goddess of the Air.As Goddess of the air, you are very smart and enjoy thinking and discovering new things. You are beautiful, and probably very thin.
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Beautiful. Smart. Bullshit.
What element are you? (now with pictures.)
You are water. Free, smooth, unstoppable. You can be destructive, but you are the basis of life. You're fluent, intelligent and probably very conceited. You will always be there.
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Pfft, intelligent.
*
I should PROBABLY go and do my Multicultural assignment so that Cam doesn't make fun of me for not completing it on Monday... bye :)
- Mood:
giggly - Music:Lithium - Evenessance, Nirvana (Both songs.. at once!)
Physcially, she is also very beautiful. In my opinion, of course. I'm not sure what you boys would think of her, and I REALLY don't want to know either. She's from another world, which makes her interesting. Aside from that, and apart from her foreignness and beauty, there's just something about her. Something just kind of drawing me toward her, like when you know FOR SURE that someone will become your friend momentarily or forever.
We're talking a lot, and there isn't too much of a language barrier to be honest. It's quite easy to talk to her, and I somehow understand her broken English. We're giving one another a lot of hope - myself telling her that she's good at English and will improve, and her telling me that I'm nice. Somehow, it doesn't piss me off when she says it :P
She's very graceful and studied. She's very quiet, too. In comparison, I feel coarse and brutish and crude. Needless to say, I long to be like her, but know it will never happen. Ever. It's impossible. She's exactly the type of person that I admire, and I am apparently the type of person that she admires (She idolizes anyone who can write and has an imagination. She told me when I said that I like to write.)
Parts of our MSN that made me laugh/happy are:
21:09] 우야라고: kkk yeah really what u have in this semester ?
[21:10] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: English, history, civics, and science
[21:11] 우야라고: is civics fun ?
[21:11] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: A little. I don't mind it, but it isn't great
[21:11] 우야라고: what u learn about ?
[21:11] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Government
[21:11] 우야라고: oh god -_-
[21:12] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Is a girl named Angela Norman in your Gym class?
[21:13] 우야라고: well how does she looks like cause i dont know all girls name
[21:13] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: She has very short brown hair, glasses, big brown eyes, she is very tall and rather skinny?
[21:13] 우야라고: oh u mean angela !!
[21:14] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Yep
[21:14] 우야라고: i know her kkk
[21:14] 우야라고: she is funny
[21:14] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Same
She's one of my best friends. Yeah, she's very funny[21:14] 우야라고: yeah i like her she is great even my english is bad kk she understand
[21:15] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: It's alright if your english isn't that great, you'll get better
[21:15] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Angela's a very cool person
[21:15] 우야라고: thanks anyway is she have any same class with u ?
[21:15] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: No, but we've been friends for a few years now
[21:16] 우야라고: cool ~~
[21:16] 우야라고: thats why ur nice too
[21:16] 우야라고: kkk
[21:16] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}:
Thank you[21:19] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Numbers and I do not mix
[21:20] 우야라고: really ? i love math kkk sometime my head being warm
[21:20] 우야라고: but it alright
[21:21] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: I'm much better at English
[21:21] 우야라고: ahahaha ofcouse u are
[21:26] 우야라고: um.. first i have to study english ㅠㅠ go to university thats my one goal
[21:26] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Cool
[21:26] 우야라고: u know asian people wanna to come and study english
[21:29] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: What made you want to be a doctor?
[21:31] 우야라고: i like to dissection for search body i know it gross
[21:31] 우야라고: kkk but i like science stuff
[21:33] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: I've been trying to be a writer for a while
[21:33] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: I'm not good though, in my opinion
[21:34] 우야라고: seen when u were young ?
[21:35] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Since I was in sixth grade
[21:35] 우야라고: that sounds good than me way much better kk well my dream was always change but before 2years i confirm to be doctor
[21:36] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: What did you want to be before?
[21:37] 우야라고: teacher !!
[21:37] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: That's awesome
I wanted to be a teacher before, too![21:37] 우야라고: but i was to scare to infront of people no i mean canadian ㅠㅠ because of my english
[21:38] 우야라고: and i was afraid to make mistake of english by speaking and anything of english !!
[21:38] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Your english really is quite good. It could be a lot worse
[21:39] 우야라고: thanks sosososo much ㅠㅠ no body said that expecially korean kk
[21:40] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: It's true though. I've met people who have a lot more trouble with english than you, so don't worry. If you're really scared of sounding bad, know that you'll get better
[21:42] 우야라고: im so glad to said that because even 1min ago i was tried of english but my i got courage !!
[21:42] 우야라고: better not to give up
[21:42] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Never give up
[21:42] 우야라고: a ~~ life is good kk
[21:42] Ama is... {.Frizzball!.}: Yes it is
Tonight, I think I may ACTUALLY go to sleep with a smile on my face. Thank God for newfound and very old friendships! And thank God for that vote of confidance. If it weren't for tonight, I may have given up on writing entirely. Just because of a friend of mine who hates what I write. I feel something - a friendship, an aquaintanceship, an almost-sisterhood - inspirational coming on....
Just maybe.
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:Never Give Up, Just A Little Love, In Harmony - The Little Mermaid TV Series
Jeremiah and I alternated questions on this survey. He started. Here we go:
43 Random Questions
1. Who sits in front of you in math class?
Bob
2. What colour is your razor/shaver?
Blue
3. What state are you in?
Solid
4. Can you count backwards from 74?
I'd get bored. Or I couldn't.
5. Where were you Tuesday night?
Work? Babysitting. Watching BB.
6. Brown or white eggs?
BROWN!
7. Like rap music?
No
8. Ever taken a train?
Yes
9. Experienced the twin towers falling in New York?
Ish. Not really.
10. Do you know who Skye Sweetnam is?
Yeah. She sang the RFR theme song :P
11. What day of the week is it?
Saturday
12. What was your lunch?
Crackers
13. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
one is packing, one is going out for lunch, one is going to be catching up on their sleep
14. What does your screen name mean?
Well, it says "Ama Is... Frizzball!". The story behind that is that the other day, a random guy walked up to me in the hall and said "Bye, Frizzball!". Wonder why?
15. Ever had cream puffs?
Yes
16. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
ZOMG YES!
17. So, how about those Mets?
I don't like sports
18. When was the last time you went to the movies and with?
"Rush Hour". With Britt, Kevin and Sam. Such a fantastic night :P
19. What's your boyfriend/girlfriend's name?
I don't have one at the moment
20. What is your bus number for school?
Like... 206. Or something.
21. Is your hair curly?
No.
22. When was the last time you cried and where?
A few weeks ago, in my room.
23. Ever walked into a wall?
yes. on purpose and by accident (a la "We are siamese if you please, we are siamese if you don't please -smack-")
24. Favourite character in scooby doo?
Daphne, because she was a whore.
25. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
No
26. Are you currently wearing socks?
Yes
27. Favorite time of the year?
Uhm.... hmmm... late May
28. Do you enjoy the sound of violins?
Yes, and I've always wanted to learn how to play one. No such luck, though.
29. What turns you on?;
Lawn gnomes.
30. Honestly, are you cool?
Not at all
31. What are you doing right now?
Watching bb and hoping someone will email me back
32. Who is your cell phone service provider?
Invisaphone: The best way to communicate with your imaginary friends.
33. How much cash do you have now?
Uhm, like, none
34. Can you speak any other languages?
The language of LOVE ;)
35. What do you do with your spare change?
i give it to my mom and get bills
36. Do you like someone?
Mmmm. In a rather confusing way.
37. Do they like you?
for sure as a friend. more than that? who knows
38. What was the last job you had?
-Winks suggestively-
39. What was the last CD you bought?
Alright, Still by Lily Allen and The Dutchess by Fergie
40. What kind of computer do you have?
A lame one
41. Last movie you watched?
Hot Fuzz
42. Do you use your right hand or your left hand?
For what? ;)
43. What are your favorite colors?
Black and purple.
- Mood:
amused - Music:Calling All Angels - KD Lang
I once heard that Sarah McLaughlin locked herself in a cabin for 7 months to get over her writer's block. Maybe I should do that.
For about a year now, I've had writer's block. BAD writer's block. Once in a while I'm able to write parts of a story, but I haven't written a poem in all that time. I haven't written more than a few pages, and the quality of even this thing has gone completely down hill. If that isn't sad, I don't know WHAT is. The best rhyme I've thought up recently was something along the lines of: "Licking stamps... tongue cramp." And then I later found out that I'd heard it somewhere else beforehand. This is sick! I've had writer's block before, but it hasn't EVER been like this. I don't even know how I'm going to get out of this funk. Yes, funk. Shut up.
Last night was Youth Group. It was pretty normal, with the exception of the new 8th grade additions. It was okay, I guess, but there was something very different about it. Just... I'm talking to Kelsey about it now. It sort of has to do with her. And a lot of other people, but... I can't really bring it up with them. I mean, I feel like I could, but I'm not sure if those people view our friendship the same way. Jeremiah says that "It doesn't matter if you don't inspire or help people. That's not what Youth Group is about!" But... that's... fuck, I'm not even going to bother. If Jeremiah doesn't get it after knowing me for so long, none of you will.
I'm also very sick. Or something. Dizzy spells that are so bad I've vomited once or twice. It's died down momentarily, which is why I'm on the compuer.
I'm hoping for a good outcome for one of my good friends right now. He deserves it.
Need to go. Bye.
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:RFR episodes
So last night I had a dream. And it WASN'T a nightmare, so I was happy. I don't remember most of it, which sort of sucks. But it's the best dream I've had since... July. Because it's the only... non-scary one... yeah. Even though it's really short.
Basically, I turn on my iPod and a song I've never heard prior to the dream is playing. I walk through my front door and keep listening to the song.
The end.
Anyway, when I woke up I looked up the lyrics to the song (As far as I could remember). Turns out, it actually WAS a song. It's girly to the point that even I can barely listen to it, but it's been stuck in my head all day. And I've been singing it. OMG I SHOULD HAVE SUNG IT TO CAM OR ANDY TO SCARE THEM..!
Ok, so XD Um, symbolism. Of the dream. Yeah. Walking through a door should be obvious, and considering the song is a love song that shouldn't be too hard either. So, I'm apparently not as depressed as before... I blame the dream. I mean, I'm still pretty sad and stuff, but it's not (totally) about crushes and stuff.
... maybe that's a BIT of a lie, considering the low self-esteem/self doubt involved, but let's make this a happy post :P
Anyway, I'll write more about today (And the awesomeness that was Lunch) after Youth Group, which I'm very excited for. I basically made Ben decide to come :P Ok, well acutally, not... how I got him to come was a bit weird. I'm sure at least one of you heard the conversation, though. And it doesn't really... yeah. Bye.
- Mood:
ecstatic - Music:I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere
English today was... different, I guess is the word. Teija hasn't been around for a few days; yesterday she had an appointment, but she's excuse-less when it comes to today. However, her absense DID buy me some "quality time" with the two (foreign) girls behind me. Lindsay just moved here (From... somewhere. She has an accent XD I need to ask her where from tomorrow), and Andrea just... isn't that great with language yet. Both girls are incredibly sweet and fun (We had to characterize an incredibly tough looking guy, and we made one of his hobbies "Pressing flowers"... and he was an accountant.)
Meanwhile, History was normal. Funny, etc. Nothing much to report there.
Civics? It was all Cam and I being insane. NO BEN TODAY :O
Science was fine. Talked to SooMin (MinSoo?) and Najiba a lot. And Katarina. And Remy. And Ashley. Yep. Nothing huge.
Lunch is where I can really get into details. I've become strongly aware that I'm being really mean to Colin (Ok, so I'm kind of doing it on purpose. A bit. But I don't mean for it to go as far as it becomes once it leaves my mouth.) I'll try and stop, I swear, but I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to manage that. Sorry.
Today at lunch, Lar, Devin, Jordan, George, Noemi, Andrew, Ethan and I were just... hanging out at Scott Micky, when Andy came along. He wanted to speak to Ethan in private, mentioned something about an annoying kid he was hiding from, and before I knew it I asked him what was up.
Yay! Ice broken! A lot! XD
I'd go into more details, but I'm too tired. But, in short, both Jordan and (Strangely) Andy now know about the whole Rapeage deal. Andy's pretty cool, and you should talk to him (Subliminal messaging. But not.) He's joining Youth Group and has seen a (terrible) picture of me in my mom's old church (LONGEST STORY EVER... but not really) He's promised me that he'll join choir after football season is over ^^ We all had a lot of fun at lunch today, I think. It was pretty cool getting to know so many people today.
Bleh. This post sucks. I need to choose better times to write in this.
G'night.
PPS: Lar, Hot Asian Guy (Who Is Actually Italian) IS Hot!!!
PPPS: Larissa and I got into a deep conversation at lunch. It was based on the most philosophical of all questions: "Why does everyone think I like Ben when every time I see Sam I basically maul him?"
- Mood:
drained - Music:My Best Friend - RFR
*
Jeremiah wanted me to make this post, so I am. But I have nothing to say really... I have to do homework? George is seriously worried that lifting my backpack is going to break my shoulder? I didn't get to go to the first Youth Group of the year because Britt and Adam were over yesterday? The other night I had a freaky moment that involved the song "I Will Always Love You" and a wish, and it isn't what any of us would have expected it to be? School rocks until lunch rolls around? Salman hasn't been at school all year and Jordan made a facebook group about it, and we're all worried (But I am the rational one and think he's still on Vacation or something)? My horoscope today says "You are sure of your feelings and the fondness of your loved ones, and because of this, deeply impress the people you love. It is neither more nor less than what is visible, and what is real, noble and high always grows and fructifies"? I'm looking for some 90s rock/rap/hip hop/R&B to listen to (Jera will get this more than anyone else)? I am unattractive?
As I've said before, my thoughts lack substance. Always have, always will. I have no idea why you guys bother to read this thing.
Stop. It's so pointless. You honestly want to follow the life of a girl like me?
If you want to stop reading, stop. If you do, tell me so I won't include you in entries. If you don't want to, then... I am completely confused.
I need to go and do some History stuff. Bye.
- Mood:
uncomfortable - Music:Love Will Save The Day - Desree
English: An awesome class, but at the same time... terrible. I have Cam, George, Adam and Teija in there but... you see... zee guy I hate passionately is also part of it. We sit far away from eachother, and I hope we're not assigned to ANYTHING together. Teija made me sit at the front with her, Sam V and some girl named Andrea, while the guys are all at the back (:( So sad). I just barely made it to this class in the morning and totally ignored everyone in the hall as I ran to my locker, which is at the other end of the universe from this class :P
History: BEST. TEACHER. EVER. So emotionless and yet SO FUNNY. I sit between Laura and Gabriela, and beside Gabriela is Aaron and then Noemi. Angela's in front of me, between Jocelyn and Chanel. Behind me? Shane and his buddies. Yeah, a downside, but who cares? History rocks :P The entire time, Laura and I were trying not to break out into laughter. It was great, lol.
Civics: Since it's literally two doors from my History class, I got to this one pretty quickly. Cam was there, too, so we sat together. BUT... we know almost no one in the class. There's Viki and Devin, who are pretty far from us. Now, I've been hanging out with Cam since last year... in groups. We have nothing to talk about. Eventually we will, though. OH YES... we will >.> I hope.
Lunch: AH! Lunch was awesome! XD We were all SO LOUD! And Larissa's pants were so cool. I got attacked by Kelly at one point... I try not to think of it :P
Science: Sucks. A lot. I'm sitting faaar away from Kellyand Najiba, and since there's arranged seating I'm by Remy and Ashley. I know, it could be worse, but none of us is the other's favourite person. That made no sense. But you catch my drift.
Sorry this is so BORING... I nodded off twice writing it. But I have ten minutes to get to the bus and I haven't even eaten yet. BYE!
- Mood:
restless - Music:Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
Anyway, I sort of packed three days ago... so I just need to WAKE UP tomorrow. At 6:00, which won't be that entertaining... and I won't have Ben to sit with on the bus... aw, jeez. This year's going to suck :(
But it may not. Hopefully it won't :)
Finish these sentences...
I am:: Certain of much, uncertain of more.
I need:: To get drama out of my life, and stop thinking excessively. It's ruining my sleeping patterns.
I want:: To get the next school year over and done with.
I wish:: That I could be someone else, at times.
I feel:: Tired!
I hate:: MIKEE!!
I love:: My adorkable friends.
I can't handle:: Arrogance, liars and dishonesty.
I miss:: Some friends
I think:: Whoa! I think! Awesome!
There is no need to:: Be hostile.
Life is:: Love.
Love is:: Something I'm missing.
Last weekend:: Every weekend is amazing.
Tonight:: I'm going to sleep very early.
I am allergic to:: Sulfa.
Let's:: Erase the last school year and start from scratch. Hey, I'm Amanda.
I would:: Take a bullet for almost anyone.
When I fall for someone:: It's usually an uncontrollable mess.
My hands:: Are typing this thing.
When I am alone:: I think too much for my own good.
I am listening to:: Music
The last person I called was:: Brittany
The last text I recieved said:: "Get a cell phone!"
Hugs are:: Something I'm trying to avoid giving out...
My house:: Is a mess
There is a thin line between:: Love and hate
My best physical feature is:: You tell me
The last person I kissed:: Was my grandmother.
The future:: Is so unclear now that it's sickening.
It's funny how:: I laugh on the inside when you fall down :P
My favorite Dane Cook quote is:: "I'm fine. I'm just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis."
The best BATMAN movie is:: Hmmmm.
I cried:: Last night. And it didn't do ANYTHING.
Hospitals are:: Steril.
My shoes:: Ruined due to my puppy :P
I think porn is:: For the avenue q puppets!
My underwear:: None of your bee's wax
When I was little:: I had almost no friends. At all.
Cake:: Is gross.
I can't seem to find:: My blue notebook
I like my jeans:: On.
I prefer:: Water to any other beverage
I wish he/she would:: Just listen to me for once!!!
Rap music:: Sucks
I remember:: Last night's intriguing dream.
This one time:: I fell hard on the floor, and my braces made a dent in the floor that I'd love to show you.
I love it when he/she:: Is far away, as rude as that sounds.
Nothing makes me smile quite like:: Crest white strips!
Tattoos are:: THE DEEEVIL!
Piercings are:: Painful
I have a scar:: On my arm
The best revenge is:: Doing nothing, moving on, and letting them regret it.
I lied because:: It made sense at the time.
My job:: Is non-existant
My ideal job would be:: Writer
Movies are:: LIFE..!
No one:: Is me :)
Thunderstorms:: Require ice cream, a dark room, and your full attention.
My mom:: Needs to make up her mind.
My dad:: Let's not go there
My ideal wedding would go a little something like this:: Surprisingly, I have no idea.
Hotels:: Are fun to explore
Throwing up:: Makes me freak out
Target:: Is a great store
Frankly my dear:: I [REALLY] don't give a damn.
Toilet paper:: Useful. And I know where you all live, so watch out!
Sex is:: Whatever
Sex should be:: Between two people who actually want a relationship.
Vampires:: Aren't as cool as werewolves.
Fear is:: A factor ;)
Money:: Sometimes changes people, sometimes doesn't.
Did you know:: That Maybelline bugs me? (An add just came on TV)
All I ask is:: That I could actually be attractive.
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:Over My Head, Luckiest and Here's To The Night
1)
Ama: -holding out thing of fries- Who wants the rest of these?
Random Guy: -walks into hall-
Ama: Not you. You can't have any -to random guy-
Random Guy: I can't? :(
Ama: No, you can't.
Random Guy: Oh, the agony!!!!!
2)
Ama: -is craining her neck for a better look of the front of the class-
Kels: What are you doing?
Ama: Trying to read Christian's shirt.
Kels: -also tries- CHRISTIAN! STOP MOVING!
Christian: -comes back to his desk by them, sits down and puts on sweater-
3)
Lunch with Geo, Lar, Andrew, Adam, Christian, Dennis, Jay, Malcom, Solomon and I. Nuff said.
4)
The video in Science today.
Chlorine: Oh, Noble Atoms! How can I find another piece of clothing (electron) to complete my outfit?
Argon(?): You must dance with another atom, make romance, and steal a piece of his clothing.
Chlorine: Can't I just take some from you?
Argon: You are not strong enough.
Chlorine: Oh really?
Argon: You may try. -kiss-
Chlorine: OH! It didn't work!
5)
Jay's obsession with eating Poutine every single lunch.
6)
Making fun of Solomon because he's fasting. Mean, I know, but it's all goodnatured fun....
7)
-refer to number 4-
Science Teacher: So, Mike is Sodium. I am (i forget what he was...) We will keep on bouncing the balls between one another until one of us gets it, because the balls are the electrons.
-after this-
Science Teacher: Mike and I are buddies!
-they hug-
Kelsey: Pedophile...
8)
Science Teacher: Now, Hana, what is it? -says in threatening voice-
Hana: -whispers like 'I See Dead People'- Oxygen...
9)
Ama: -is lost in her story "The Sword In The Stone"-
Remy: Oh, God, my pants are too tight... -unzipps pants and... sticks his hands down them...-
Mike: Uh... ew.
Ethan: Keep you're pride down there. We don't want to see anything.
Ama: -excitedly because she just met Merlin in her book- WE GET TO MEET MERLIN!
10)
Christian: Oh, come to the football game, Amanda! And bring a banner that says "Blakelock sucks! Go Other Team!"
Ama: I would never do that to you guys!
Christian: You've never paid attention during our games.
11)
Ama: -balances a textbook on her head perfectly and walks around Hallway-
Dennis: OH! I CAN DO THAT! -steals textbook, tries, and it drops automatically-
12)
Ama: Oh my God. -looks at Blackboard in Drama- JORDAN! We're learning how to be mimes!
Jordan: Ahahaha! Mr. Mime on Pokemon... he made a wall and it stopped a flood... -laughs hysterically-
-ten minutes later, Ama is across the class from Jordan doing the Box Thing-
Jordan: -walks over- Hahaha... Mr. Mime....
13)
Ama: -is talking about regrets- I'm sad, because there's always going to be that ice between my old friend and I... ice we can't break.
Blair: Say 'Fat Fish'
Ama: Huh?
Blair: Fat Fish. To break the ice.
Drama Teacher: Oh, God. I regret hearing Blair's joke just now.
14)
Blakelock lost to Nelson on Television... 51 - 0.
15)
Kadim (Not sure if I'm spelling his name right): Alanna, if we win against Nelson THIS time, you have to make out with Dale in the middle of the football feild.
16)
-Science teacher is going on and on about one thing or another, asks Mike a question and Mike gets it wrong-
Mike: Oh. Well, then, I didn't raise my hand.
17)
Blair: I am Blair and I like bubbles.
18)
Dennis: OH my God! I forgot my pants!
19)
Mike's kangaroo impression.
20)
Ama: -is trying to remember what everyone is going as for Halloween. Can't remember Catherine's-
Catherine: -is going as Barbie- I'm a bitch!
21)
I got picked on in Science class and had to draw things on the chalk board in front of the class... the horror!!!!!!
22)
Ama: My Mime thing is all about me washing a friggin car!
Jordan: -singing- Workin' at the car wash!
-later-
-during Presentations, Jordan holds up a sign that says 'Workin' at the car wash!' while I'm presenting-
23)
Science Teacher: So, you're going through a room of honey, you're going through a room of water, and get this.... you... are going through a room of jello.
Chris: A room full of Jello... -in dreamy voice-
Ama: Almost as good as a room full of cheese...
Chris: Mmm... cheeeeese....
24)
Science Teacher: If we touch that wire, we're all toast.
Chris: I like toast.
25)
Kelsey: -bangs ruler on desk-
Hanna: AH!!!!!
- Mood:
energetic - Music:We Are Gonna Be Friends - White Stripes (Jordan+Me song!)
One of them is... well, if you can't figure it out after reading this LJ then you're pathetic.
The second is the girl from our school who came to my old school in 5th grade. That year, she managed to turn the majority of my 'popular' friends against me. Even Teija didn't talk to me for a while. This little experiance is what made me grateful for Kelsey, George, Andrew, Destiny, Thom, Franny and (eventually) Adam, Larissa, Manmeet, Solvit, and Angela. If I forgot anyone, I'm sorry :P I realize that, yes, her torment had an up-side, but COME ON!
The second girl is... good friends with someone who reads this! So I can't really mention her name. Let's just say that she made fourth grade a living Hell for Kelsey, Destiny and I for absolutely no apparently reason. She literally just decided to TURN on us one day, after being our friend for a long while. She brought on... actually, I think she's the reason for the low self-esteem that Kels used to have and for the low self-esteem that I DO have. And I hear that she's still doing that kind of (pardon my french) shit now, from a former friend of hers.
Now, this fourth and final one is probably the most interesting. It just began last year. He was in three of my classes during first semester and and one of my classes during second (Though he also had Gym at the same time as me, so that could sort of count.) He's friends with some of my friends, but they're not incredibly close (So I can rant about him SOMETIMES :P Plus, Larissa enjoys my hatred.)
I don't care what you who know him think: HE IS A JERK! He started to make fun of me at the start of the school year and has not stopped. When we found out we had french together, he came in the room, sat behind me and then said: "Oh, no, not YOU again." Ethan, thank God, hates this guy as well. You can always tell when the arrogant pig is lying, because his lips move. He's the first guy that makes me feel so angry that I can't possibly take it lying down - I had a dream last night that he was in all of my classes (Except, of course, Travel and Tourism), and I woke up in such a rage that I'm still not over it.
Teachers seem to find it funny to put us together on school projects. Drama mid-term and final? Yep. Geography plane trip? Yep. It's like they know we're going to do our best just to piss off the other person.
Which brings me to my final point.
Instead of trying hard in school, etc, to impress a guy next year? I'm going to try hard and do well just to piss off that little brat. Because it's fun, and he does stuff like that to me anyway. We can't be in the same room together, so honestly, this should be itneresting. I just want to rip off his face and...
Ok, getting violent. Must stop now. However, will continue in head. Goodbye.
- Mood: crazy
- Music:Better Off - Miaarose
